Shock horror: Universe goes missing

A bright visualisation of dark matter

Scientists have found that most of what Mr Rumsfeld, 69 (Where he? Ed.) might have called the 'known unknown' Universe has gone missing. Dark Matter, that one could not see or smell, but which scientists have confidently assured us for years makes up the majority of the Universe, has been found to be not there, or at least not where it should be. It may just have gone off somewhere else (Bahrain for example), either for a brief visit or permanently, but, like many of our lesser luminaries, it is not where it ought to be.

However, scientific research continues, and, as one scientist remarked after an earlier exercise to extend our knowledge of said matter, 'After completing this study, we know less about dark matter than we did before' Matt Walker, a Hubble Fellow at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. (I think he must have meant to say 'than we thought we did before' - or else things are getting complicated, but that, I suppose, is science for you.)

I hardly like to tell them how simple the answer is. As all devotees of Withnail and I will know, it's in the sink.

No doubt we will all soon be able to make our own with 3D printers.